Baby Blues

Allie was a little under the weather with a painful diaper rash tonight. I had the opportunity (or rather, was commanded) to keep her company as she settled down to sleep. I sang the “Wheels on the Bus” about twenty times and had a good chance to take a long look at my baby. She’s now more a little girl than a baby. It’s hard to believe that she will be two tomorrow.

When I found out I was pregnant with a girl I was scared. I’m not sure if that is a normal reaction but my true emotion was fear. There were logistics involved that were scary, I don’t have any baby items that are girly, but my real fear is that I would mess her up.

Scientific study has found that the person who makes the biggest impact on your life is the parent who is the same gender as the child. I always knew that is why we had boys; Bob is a fantastic father, husband, and all-around great guy. When I found out that Allie was on the way I figured that there must have been some mistake. Didn’t anyone realize that I was not good with girls? Just tonight as I was singing to Allie and thinking about that time in my life, it dawned on me that Allie was not born for what I could teach her but rather what she could teach me.

It never ceases to amaze me to think of how much love there is in my heart for each of my children and Allie is no exception. What a marvelous creature full of life, affection, and conviction. She is so determined to accomplish the goals she has set out for herself (most currently involve popsicles) and it is wonderful to watch. She is strong, funny, and she loves her Mom. When she is tired and I pick her up, she tucks her arms in her chest and lays her head on my shoulder; I love that. I love when she is sitting on my lap and she says to anyone within earshot “That’s my mom!” I love to hear her sing and I love to sing to her.

It makes me a little sad to think that in the not too distant future, I won’t be able to carry Allie around when she is tired. Soon she won’t want to sit on my lap and claim ownership, or have me to sing to her. So, on the eve of my baby’s birthday, I write these words to my daughter. Happy birthday Alexandra. Your mommy loves you. Don’t grow up too quickly.