Confessions of a Chocoholic

This past weekend we went to the cottage for an evening. My Mother and Father-in-law were spending the week there and cleaning out some old boxes during our visit. My Mother-in-law, being a huge fan of Bill Clinton (really huge, as in "if he said he didn't inhale, I'm sure he didn't" sort of fan), has a bunch of inaugural memorabilia. One item she came across was a sealed box of Bill Clinton M&M's.

My Mother-in-law can never throw anything out.... ever. I don't blame her really. As a child she fled one war torn country for another without many personal effects. So when "Lola" (that's what my kids call her) has to get rid of something, she'll gift it.

Being that I was the most convenient person to gift this item to, I was handed a box of candy "for my collection". I can honestly say that my chocolate "collection" consists of chocolate items in my stomach and chocolate items about to go into my stomach. I don't think I have the willpower to display "decorative" chocolate for any length of time. It's like a lion running a gazelle petting zoo.

So what was I supposed to do with it? I contemplated the potential effects of sixteen year-old chocolate. I also contemplated that fact that there was no chocolate within ten miles of this cottage and reasoned myself into thinking that sixteen year-old M&M's must be like fine wines which improve with age. Besides, they have the chocolaty coating.... that has to provide some protection from the aging process, right?

WRONG. Sixteen year-old chocolate tastes like rabbit turds. Just in case the first one was a fluke, I ate one more. Nope, there was no doubt about it now...rabbit turds. I wound up throwing the box of decrepit candies in the Wal-Mart parking lot garbage can. I then made Bobby, who originally went to Wal-Mart to purchase sandals for Tommy (who forgot to pack any footwear for the trip), buy me some "real" chocolate. Bob just shook his head when I told him what had happened. He had no words for me. I sometimes seriously wonder if he thinks I'm insane.

To add insult to injury, I was researching the candy boxes online and found that a sealed box of Bill Clinton M&M's fetch between $20 and $35 a box! That means each of those turds I ate was worth between $10 and $17.50 each. So a word to the wise, if you come across a sealed box of Bill Clinton Inaugural M&M's, save your palette and dignity, and sell them on eBay!